Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Death of the Pretzel, or Story of the The Pretzel King's Transformation

So, we have utterly failed in our first attempt at pretzel be expected I guess, but disheartening nonetheless. No one said this wouldn't be a learning process, but wow these pretzels were just atrocious.

But I digress. We wanted to document our foray into the pretzel world, and how The Pretzel King came into existence. It went something like this:

(Before/After shocking footage)

Let it suffice to say this was a grueling transformation, and I now know the pain The Hulk goes through. I swear.

On to the pretzel making...We found a recipe online that seemed basic enough. No frills. We followed it to the letter (I think), and it really seemed as if everything was going well. And we got to use our stand-up mixer, which is really cool if you like that kind of thing. Which we do.

Oh by the way, I just realized I have been using "we" quite often. The Pretzel King has an alter ego that helps him navigate pretzel making. More on this later.

Here is photographic evidence of the first pretzel failure:

The last photo is clear evidence we are using the wrong attachment for the mixer. Shit happens, so we made a command decision to change it out NASCAR-style, and use a proper dough hook:

Yes, The Pretzel King sticks his fingers in stuff. Deal with it.

The dough hook worked much better, and we really were quite pleased with the result. Things really seemed like they were looking good, and so The King put the dough in some bags with some flour to let it rise for a bit:

The Pretzel King looking quite pleased with his delicious pretzel dough balls.

So 30 minutes to fill...what better way than get after some Sangria:

Not sure if the Sangria contributed to the defunct pretzels, but it could have been a mitigating factor. I blame it on his alter-ego :)

So the final steps went well too. We rolled the dough out, formed them into classic pretzel shapes, and gave them a bath in boiling water + butter. Lo and behold, they looked like real pretzels:

Delicious, right?

So we baked them. I don't remember how long, but I swear we followed the recipe. They came out looking pretty normal. Kind of splotchy, but just like real pretzels. And who doesn't love a delicious warm pretzel right out of the oven?

The pretzels tasted like hell. Some kind of salt malfunction. The Pretzel King and his alter-ego both choked some down, mostly because we felt like we had to, but my God this was the worst tasting pretzel ever. Period. Try chewing on a salt lick sometime if you want to recreate the experience. Horrible.

Alas, we will persevere. Check back in, as we intend to do some crazy things with pretzels, the most under-utilized bread form ever!